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Post by kwith on Jan 16, 2014 8:44:35 GMT -5
My mom and maybe one good friend. H wants nothing to do with it. I wouldn't let anyone else in. Way too private and personal of a situation.
Congrats to your SIL and BIL!
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Post by GoneFishing on Jan 16, 2014 9:07:50 GMT -5
Only 2 people will have unfettered access. One is my close friend who will basically be my "birth coach" because she's the only person in the world I trust to a. not get offended if I go on a swearing spree and b. not say shit that sends me on a swearing spree. The other is H, if he wants it. I will not be surprised however if he decides not to be in the room.
Mom and BFF will have tentative access, but neither of them handle me in pain very well (I had to make my mom leave the room at my last tattoo because she could see strain on my face and was almost in tears). No one else comes in, period. Not my SIL (who will be offended, I'm sure), not my grandmother, no one. No. One.
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Post by snippet17 on Jan 16, 2014 10:13:14 GMT -5
I want H to be there, but he does not want to be there.
My mom is 2 hours away and H's mom is 45-60 minutes away. I would love to see them after the baby arrives, but I don't want them there during the process.
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Post by GoneFishing on Jan 16, 2014 11:54:44 GMT -5
Congrats on the birth of your niece/nephew! I had my mom and sister. DH didn't really want to be in the room and I didn't want him in the room, so he stayed in the waiting room with my dad. My mom was my main "coach" and my sister ended up just sitting in the chair crying for no apparent reason. Later on she said that she just got unreasonably scared that something was going to go wrong and she lost it. I'm not that close with my MIL, so having her there didn't even cross my mind and I'm sure it didn't hers. If H decides not to be in the room, this will be why. He is so worried that something will happen to me during childbirth that it almost kept us from trying for kids. |
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vk
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Post by vk on Jan 16, 2014 12:04:28 GMT -5
I had this talk with my mom the other day. I want my mom, sister, and H to be in the room. My sister is awesome and I know she will be my rock during that time; I have a feeling that even though H says he will be okay, he won't be and that is where my mom comes in - to keep him calm lol. But my mom told me no, she won't be there, it should only be me and H; she said it is a special time and thinks that it should be between only the two of us. I know in the end if I really need her she will be there for me but it pissed me off for a second when she said that!
This may sound awful of me, but I don't even want my in-laws at the hospital when I give birth. I don't need a bunch of people coming in to see me right after that. I know that is not my decision to make, but thinking about having them all there gives me anxiety!
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Post by kwith on Jan 16, 2014 12:18:08 GMT -5
I don't know if all hospitals are like this, but at least at the one I'm delivering at, their maternity ward is crazy secure. No one even gets on the floors without permission from delivering moms. So that might keep unwanted visitors away.
I have a totally hippy prenatal yoga instructor who frequently says ridiculous new agey things, but one things she's talked about a lot is how the opposite of love is fear. When the people who love us don't know how to respond to our pain or feel helpless, it's expressed through fear. It's loving, but it can be distracting or distressing as well. Having her talk about that made it so much more comfortable for me to decide who I wanted around. My mom has enough distance (and has gone through labor five times) to not let the fear overtake the love. And if it starts to, she knows to get out of there. My H is too close to the situation, and to me and the baby, to want to be there at this point. If he changes his mind, awesome. But for now, we both know we'll be better off without putting him in that fearful place.
Plus, someone needs to stay home and take care of the dog.
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Post by GoneFishing on Jan 16, 2014 12:31:24 GMT -5
I had this talk with my mom the other day. I want my mom, sister, and H to be in the room. My sister is awesome and I know she will be my rock during that time; I have a feeling that even though H says he will be okay, he won't be and that is where my mom comes in - to keep him calm lol. But my mom told me no, she won't be there, it should only be me and H; she said it is a special time and thinks that it should be between only the two of us. I know in the end if I really need her she will be there for me but it pissed me off for a second when she said that! This may sound awful of me, but I don't even want my in-laws at the hospital when I give birth. I don't need a bunch of people coming in to see me right after that. I know that is not my decision to make, but thinking about having them all there gives me anxiety! I hate it when people try to decide what I will find special or meaningful. I understand that some people see birth as this magical personal experience, but I know myself well enough to know that will not be the case with me, at least not during labor. I know for a fact that some of H's family will be horribly judgemental and rude if he decides not to be in the room with me if/when I'm giving birth, and I hate that. |
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vk
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Post by vk on Jan 16, 2014 12:47:35 GMT -5
I had this talk with my mom the other day. I want my mom, sister, and H to be in the room. My sister is awesome and I know she will be my rock during that time; I have a feeling that even though H says he will be okay, he won't be and that is where my mom comes in - to keep him calm lol. But my mom told me no, she won't be there, it should only be me and H; she said it is a special time and thinks that it should be between only the two of us. I know in the end if I really need her she will be there for me but it pissed me off for a second when she said that! This may sound awful of me, but I don't even want my in-laws at the hospital when I give birth. I don't need a bunch of people coming in to see me right after that. I know that is not my decision to make, but thinking about having them all there gives me anxiety!Actually, it is your decision. Yeah, they can be at the hospital (you can't stop them from showing up), but you can say you do NOT want anyone except H, Mom, and Sister allowed in your room. The hospital will respect that and keep anybody else out. Oh they will definitely not be in the room with me, I just meant at the hospital in general. I couldn't tell H that his parents aren't allowed lol, unless he decides that for himself! |
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Post by nsweare on Jan 16, 2014 12:50:10 GMT -5
i think my reasoning is a little different. I had a c-section so only FI was allowed in, but regardless that's all we wanted. To me, giving birth is a medical procedure. I wouldn't invite my mom or FMIL to watch me get a colonoscopy or have a mole removed. I totally get that delivering a baby is different, but I want my doctors to be able to do their job with as little noise and distraction as possible. FI is there to be my coach and to see his child born and that's all I'm ok with (and nurses/doctors of course).
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vk
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Post by vk on Jan 16, 2014 12:52:14 GMT -5
I had this talk with my mom the other day. I want my mom, sister, and H to be in the room. My sister is awesome and I know she will be my rock during that time; I have a feeling that even though H says he will be okay, he won't be and that is where my mom comes in - to keep him calm lol. But my mom told me no, she won't be there, it should only be me and H; she said it is a special time and thinks that it should be between only the two of us. I know in the end if I really need her she will be there for me but it pissed me off for a second when she said that! This may sound awful of me, but I don't even want my in-laws at the hospital when I give birth. I don't need a bunch of people coming in to see me right after that. I know that is not my decision to make, but thinking about having them all there gives me anxiety! I understand that some people see birth as this magical personal experience, but I know myself well enough to know that will not be the case with me, at least not during labor. I know for a fact that some of H's family will be horribly judgemental and rude if he decides not to be in the room with me if/when I'm giving birth, and I hate that. I know! I was surprised my mom even said that to me because she has been so overbearing these past couple weeks with checking up on me almost every few hours lol. It won't let me bold again, but in regards to your H's family - I don't get how someone can judge your H for that, childbirth is not for everyone and heck if I could not be in the room I wouldn't be. I hope they open their minds when that time comes and not focus on that. |
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Post by kristenkay on Jan 16, 2014 14:31:29 GMT -5
I had this talk with my mom the other day. I want my mom, sister, and H to be in the room. My sister is awesome and I know she will be my rock during that time; I have a feeling that even though H says he will be okay, he won't be and that is where my mom comes in - to keep him calm lol. But my mom told me no, she won't be there, it should only be me and H; she said it is a special time and thinks that it should be between only the two of us. I know in the end if I really need her she will be there for me but it pissed me off for a second when she said that! This may sound awful of me, but I don't even want my in-laws at the hospital when I give birth. I don't need a bunch of people coming in to see me right after that. I know that is not my decision to make, but thinking about having them all there gives me anxiety!I want my mom, sister, and H to be in the room too. And ditto to the bolded! H was at the hospital for his niece's birth and he mentioned being there for SIL's baby #2 in April. When he told me this, my first thought was how there's no way I'm going to want his whole family at the hospital when I give birth. I feel like the person giving birth should get final say in that situation. |
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Post by superminty on Jan 16, 2014 15:05:47 GMT -5
If we have children I only want H in the room. I've always imagined him being in the room; however, he has said he doesn't want to be. Now he has kind of given in and said he would probably be there as long as he doesn't have to look. I love my mom, but she isn't very sensitive and tends to say things to make me laugh, which may just piss me off if I'm stressed out. We'll see.
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Post by GoneFishing on Jan 16, 2014 15:49:35 GMT -5
Actually, it is your decision. Yeah, they can be at the hospital (you can't stop them from showing up), but you can say you do NOT want anyone except H, Mom, and Sister allowed in your room. The hospital will respect that and keep anybody else out. This. A lot of hospitals ask for a visitation list in labor and delivery so that a clown car of guests doesn't parade in to visit the laboring mom. You can keep them off of your guest list so that they don't come in. A lot of hospitals also do something called "unlisted status" (or something similar to that effect); you wouldn't even be listed in their directory, in the event that anybody unwanted calls to check on you, or pops in unexpectedly. I think this is what we're going to have to do, and I think we probably just won't even tell H's family until after labor so there will at least be some lag time between popping out a human being and them coming to visit. I just KNOW they'll come up to the hospital as soon as they hear I'm in labor, regardless of my request, and I know having them even out in the general waiting room will just stress H out more because they will be pressuring him to pressure me to let them in to visit. |
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dsp2013
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Post by dsp2013 on Jan 16, 2014 20:27:58 GMT -5
DH will be the only one in the room with me if we are lucky enough to get there. Both my mom and MIL are strong personalities, and would be upset if one was in the room and the other wasn't. I love my MIL, but am not close enough to have her in the room. So I've decided to just not let anyone in, but DH.
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Post by Deleted on Jan 17, 2014 19:14:30 GMT -5
I had just my H in the room with me, and for this baby, just H too. He handled everything very well. My family all lives out of town, so we called when there was a break in my labor and my mom got there about 5 hours after. My dad and step mom got there in the afternoon. My ILs live close to the hospital, but we didn't call them until after he was born. They came after work.
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Majide
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Post by Majide on Jan 20, 2014 17:25:29 GMT -5
I figure it would just be my husband.
I want to say I'd have my mom there, but lately I'm not feeling as close to her as I have been in the past. I'd be afraid if I said or did something "wrong", that she'd bring it up later... Even though it would be during labor. So no, I'd need someone to talk me out of having my mom in there when the time comes.
Though after the baby, I'd be fine having immediate family come to the hospital to visit. And a couple of our close friends. That's it.
I remember when a friend of mine had a baby... She said there were all sorts of relatives coming to the hospital to visit. Sounded like Aunts, Uncles, and cousins... Uh, no way would I be seeing all of those relatives after child birth! Maybe I'm just not close to my family like some other people are, but they just don't need to come to the hospital.
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keokhaos
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Post by keokhaos on Jan 20, 2014 19:24:12 GMT -5
My mom and H. My mom is a nurse and I'd honestly just feel so much better with her there, plus we've always been very close. FI is a little um, squeamish, so I know he'll be right by my head the whole time.
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Post by mrsELF6713 on Jan 21, 2014 15:04:03 GMT -5
I would only want my Husband in the actually delivery. I already know that will be a battle for mom and MIL, but sorry I'm not sorry.
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minion
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Post by minion on Jan 21, 2014 16:53:08 GMT -5
DH and I talked about this. Just H will be allowed in. My mother is too much of an emotional mess. We have even joked about not telling anyone until after the baby is born.
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