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Post by addie on Sept 4, 2015 5:22:42 GMT -5
Sorry, gingerlady and LMC AF expected here tomorrow, and the bitch showed up today. I think I might be ready to officially give up and move onto the adoption plan. I can't keep doing this. It's too emotional, and I am not getting any younger. Originally we wanted to try using an egg donor before moving to adoption, but I just don't know. I really want the experience of being pregnant, so I'm not sure which avenue to pursue next. And later when I get home from work I have a major vent to share. No time to detail it now, though.
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Post by gingerlady on Sept 4, 2015 7:10:37 GMT -5
Sorry addie, hugs! My brother and his wife are in the process of pursuing adoption. I had a heart-to-heart with her about it last weekend (I was visiting for their wedding - they finally tied the knot after being together for 12 years!) and she has a great perspective on it. She is a social worker and says she has known for a long time she wanted to adopt because there are so many children without loving homes. Yes, the adoption journey has a lot of challenges, but so does the biological journey. Both cases require a lot of physical and emotional dedication, and there is no guarantee of a "perfect" outcome via either path. But choosing to have a family is a choice about love, and that's the bottom line. Best wishes to you!
(It looks like AF showed up for me this morning too, TWO DAYS EARLY! Whack cycle!)
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Post by snippet17 on Sept 4, 2015 7:58:28 GMT -5
addie - i am sorry. ((Hugs)) How long have you been trying? Are you over 35? If you been trying for 6 months and over 35 your doctor will start giving you tests and start suggesting to see a RE. LMC - good looking chart. gingerlady - I am sorry.
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Post by gingerlady on Sept 4, 2015 8:21:17 GMT -5
((( addie))) Still keeping my fingers crossed, LMC!! gingerlady I'm sending those virtual alcoholic beverages now. Mmmm, margarita.... Is 9:20am too early for one of those?
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Post by snippet17 on Sept 4, 2015 8:23:31 GMT -5
((( addie))) Still keeping my fingers crossed, LMC!! gingerlady I'm sending those virtual alcoholic beverages now. Mmmm, margarita.... Is 9:20am too early for one of those? Nope.
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Post by annathy03 on Sept 4, 2015 12:51:27 GMT -5
addie I'm so sorry. (((hugs))) gingerlady I'm sorry this wasn't your cycle, sending internet alcohol your way! LMC fingers still crossed!
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Post by addie on Sept 4, 2015 17:32:40 GMT -5
Thanks, everyone! It just hurts so much b/c I sometimes I feel like I'm being punished because I found love later in life. I didn't get married until I was 38, so I wasn't actively trying to get pregnant in my younger years. Now I'm older, settled, stable, financially secure, etc. So because I did things "in order," I miss out? It blows. snippet17 I am 42, and we have been trying for over 3 years. We've been working with fertility specialists for a year; I did IVF last summer and was not successful. gingerlady I have a few friends who have adopted, so I'm glad I have them as a resource to know how to proceed as far as that goes. The problem for us with adoption right now is that we can't do that until my husband has an at-home job b/c there are home visits and classes we have to participate in. MY VENT (PDQ): One of my friends is doing foster-to-adopt. She got a baby several months ago who was a week old. The baby mama has 5 kids, all in foster care with different families. The youngest is the one my friend has, and the oldest is 6 or 7, I think. She crashes on a friend's couch, so semi-homeless. She is on drugs. Baby daddy # 4 is in jail. She has no job. She has had lice for over a month and so her weekly court-supervised visits with her children have not happened for a month. She sometimes goes completely MIA. (She even disappeared from the hospital hours after giving birth and hadn't even signed the birth certificate or named the baby) There is still a lot of red tape to go through for each of these 5 families to officially adopt any of these children b/c she has X amount of time to be in compliance with a laundry list of things (aka get her shit together), and the goal with foster care is always re-unification. So even though she is a mess, it is still possible that she may eventually get her kids back. And guess what? Now she is fucking pregnant AGAIN. Someone please tell me how this winner gets SIX babies, and I and others like me can't get ONE? Thanks, universe! Unless she has her shit together by the time the baby is born (and considering she didn't show up for a court date last week, it's not likely) they will take that baby, too. I hate to be all "woe is me; it's not fair!" but goddamit, it fucking ISN'T fair, and I'm pretty bitter about it.
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Post by snippet17 on Sept 4, 2015 17:58:35 GMT -5
addie - sorry to bring it up. I was mistaken and thought maybe you were new to ttc. I don't know anything about adopting but good luck. Dh has some foster kids in a couple of his programs. From what I hear when I volunteer or dh is able to tell me breaks my heart. Not all of the stories are bad, but some are and it is sad.
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Post by Giaspo on Sept 4, 2015 18:59:48 GMT -5
"It just hurts so much b/c I sometimes I feel like I'm being punished because I found love later in life. I didn't get married until I was 38, so I wasn't actively trying to get pregnant in my younger years. Now I'm older, settled, stable, financially secure, etc. So because I did things "in order," I miss out? It blows. " addie. This. This! I understand everything you are experiencing. I am on almost the same timeline as you. It is not fair. And very hard. Lately my mindset had been shifting and, while it isn't any less painful, it makes things a little easier. If you ever want to vent, please feel free to PM me anytime. It is truly an emotional roller coaster.
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Post by addie on Sept 5, 2015 6:02:44 GMT -5
@jennylee That is terrible. It is truly heartbreaking that these kinds of people are out there. I keep saying about this baby mama that she just needs to let these children go so that they can be properly cared for, get her shit together, and "start over" with her life and eventually be able to properly mother a family. I know it would be hard to just "forget" your children and move on, but it is what would be best for them AND her. snippet17 No worries. I know it's impossible to remember everyone's situation and stories!
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Post by snippet17 on Sept 5, 2015 8:17:21 GMT -5
I just want to start punching ass hole "parents"
It is sad that these people can make my coworker look like a good parent. At least when she figured out that she could not handle a child she gave it him to her parents to raise.
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Post by addie on Sept 5, 2015 15:12:58 GMT -5
LMC I'm sorry. All my hugs! efmcc67 MONTHS?! WTF? I just keep hoping that it's all for a reason, that my husband and I are meant to "rescue" one of these children who got stuck with worthless parents someday.
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Post by Giaspo on Sept 5, 2015 20:19:32 GMT -5
Wow. These stories are incredible. It's crazy to think someone could get pregnant all those times when all I hope for is for one of H's 54 million sperm to penetrate one freakin egg!
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