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Post by annathy03 on May 27, 2015 11:00:58 GMT -5
MIL would like me to be pregnant like, last year. She was asking about kids as soon as we were engaged. Now that we've been married a year SIL wants me KU ASAP too.
Last week H mentioned our friends just found out they're pregnant both MIL and SIL jumped on it and asked H when we're going to start a family. I told H after that the appropriate response is "My wife and I ARE a family" but alas, now they think we're starting to try in November when the current plan is actually January (JIC we are super successful I want to be on a better insurance plan so we'll enroll in the pricey one this year at open enrollment) and I'd rather them think it was like April to take the pressure of TTC off when we get there.
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Post by annathy03 on May 27, 2015 11:12:17 GMT -5
H's grandmother asked when we were planning #3. During her totally unannounced visit while we were still in the hospital. She didn't even knock, just strolled right in.  |
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Post by annathy03 on May 27, 2015 11:44:36 GMT -5
MIL would like me to be pregnant like, last year. She was asking about kids as soon as we were engaged. Now that we've been married a year SIL wants me KU ASAP too. Last week H mentioned our friends just found out they're pregnant both MIL and SIL jumped on it and asked H when we're going to start a family. I told H after that the appropriate response is "My wife and I ARE a family" but alas, now they think we're starting to try in November when the current plan is actually January (JIC we are super successful I want to be on a better insurance plan so we'll enroll in the pricey one this year at open enrollment) and I'd rather them think it was like April to take the pressure of TTC off when we get there. Ughhhh your TTC timeline is none of their business!! Like TTC isn't enough pressure itself, outside pressure is so unfair  And this is the part that bugs me, I don't want the outside pressure especially knowing my mom struggled to get pregnant with me. H needs to learn to bean-dip. I totally understand not lying about it, and from his perspective my mom knows so why wouldn't his parents? My mom knows the way you guys here know. I could tell her we're not planning on having kids at all and she'd be fine b/c she isn't grand-baby crazy (she never was, plus my sister has a kid), so there isn't any pressure about it. On the other end of the spectrum his mom has been hinting at grandkids for over 3 years and his siblings aren't planning to have any for quite some time (BILs GF is starting a residency and SIL is single) so somehow it's our job to make one for her  . |
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Post by nsweare on May 27, 2015 11:53:08 GMT -5
H's family seems to be in denial that we're done after this one. MIL admits that she can't relate to my pregnancies because she had really smooth ones and felt great. She would've kept having kids if FIL had been ok with it (they had 4). All of H's aunts/uncles have at least 5 kids. H's sister and brother are each on their second and hope to have 5 or 6. The idea that we're totally cool with two just blows their mind. I hear a lot "not to do anything drastic" because "what if we change our minds?" Spoiler alert: I'm having my tubes tied and we're not changing our minds. It's not happening.
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Post by jenn314 on May 27, 2015 12:26:15 GMT -5
I'm pretty lucky. ILs offered to take us on vacation next year because they want to vacation with us before we "have kids". They know it's coming but they aren't pushy. My sister keeps bringing up that she wants to be an aunt, but she's not pushy about it, just more joking than anything else. She told me honestly that she just thinks our family needs some good news and she mentions it from time to time to remind everyone that good things are coming eventually.
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Post by Deleted on May 27, 2015 13:02:58 GMT -5
My MOM keeps bugging us about #3. There isn't going to be a third one, at least not right now. She brought it up casually mentioning it during a conversation not on that topic. I quickly changed the subject and ignored it. My dad told me that she always wanted a third kid (just me and my brother) so he thinks she's just projecting.
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Post by nsweare on May 27, 2015 16:14:36 GMT -5
Frenchie - my mom never asked and honestly it didn't seem like she cared. She was pretty nonchalant when we told her we were expecting as well. It was a touch hurtful, because it seemed like she wasn't excited or didn't think it was a good idea. If she had asked once and expressed some excitement when we discussed it, that would have been awesome. FTR, she's really excited now. Now my ILs on the other hand, were asking all the time and second guessing our decision to stop at two. That was intrusive and too much. I think having a single conversation is ok. It shows you are interested in their lives and that you are excited.
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Post by Deleted on May 27, 2015 22:00:45 GMT -5
My Mom knew about our fertility stuff. She had fertility problems so she was SUPER cool about no pressure and respecting our privacy and being a good support person thru things. His family - well, it was bad a while back and has gotten better. Thank God.
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Post by mrsELF6713 on May 28, 2015 16:40:28 GMT -5
So to all of you, IF your parents never asked, would you think they don't care or are respecting your privacy? definitely respecting our privacy. It is none of their business unless I bring it up to them, which I would not do. Way out of my comfort zone. And I do not want to give them false hope of it happening any time soon. |
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Post by Deleted on May 28, 2015 17:00:40 GMT -5
My mom used to bug both my sister and I about grand babies. After my sister had her first though she stopped. I guess she figured she got what she wanted and could stop asking. Idk. It worked out good for me though.
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Post by annathy03 on May 28, 2015 17:21:56 GMT -5
My parents never ask. Ever. My sister also had 2 MCs about 2/2.5 years ago and they know I had an Ectopic. They loooooove babies and love being grandparents and will be excited when the time comes, but they know it is a sensitive topic. H's parents haven't asked, but they have dropped hints before. His sisters asked point-blank (one WHILE I WAS MISCARRYING) and I told her to mind her own and it wasn't her business. When H called her 2 days later from the emergency room while I was in surgery, I think she felt really bad (and she should have). One of H's friends asked us, in front of other people, about a week after my surgery. I didn't say anything and walked straight out of their house. Haven't seen her since. H is 36 and comes from a huge family. I know EVERYONE is wondering when kids are coming along. I am not super open about our issues, and a lot of our friends seem to have zero issues conceiving, so they think that is the norm and just ask away. (((Hugs))) I hope your H's sisters and friends (and anyone else) don't pull that sort of shit again. |
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Post by mrsELF6713 on May 28, 2015 17:35:17 GMT -5
ours comes in waves. I don't mind when my best friends ask because they do it in a non-intrusive way. I am way more comfortable talking to them about things than I would be my mom, so their questions usually stream from previous conversations. However, they joke that they want me to have twins so I can "catch up." My friend jokingly wrote it on a fb thread about me having twins, and holy hell it opened up so many questions  she deleted the comment because even she didn't think people would have caught on. my dad over stepped I felt a bit a few months back when we were talking about a family vacation and was trying to plan it around whether or not I would be pregnant. Then randomly I called one day and my dad said "are you calling to tell us you are pregnant!?" WTF, what has gotten into his head that is happening anytime soon. my MIL buys baby clothes all the time and now has a pile started for us. my MIL also likes to plan it out for us too. H has an older family friend who was like a dad to him. He is very sick and recently told H he was named in the will to get his house when he passes on. BY no means do we take that into account, but MIL thought it was appropriate to say well you can sell his house so you can put down a down payment on bigger house and then you can have babies.  Thank god H handles those comments. and when we first were house hunting both MIL and my parents were immediately shut down any house we were interested in if it wasn't a 3 bed/2 bath house. because you know babies. We learned really fast to not talk about what houses we were looking at with them. When I was home for Christmas I was drinking a diet coke and my neighbor asked in front of a bunch of guests if I wasn't drinking because I was pregnant We are going on 2 years of marriage and H turned 35 this year so it seems like we get the questions more and more. |
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she deleted the comment because even she didn't think people would have caught on.
Thank god H handles those comments.