Post by chipmunk on Sept 21, 2015 11:28:04 GMT -5
Hi Ladies. Some of you may recall the vent I posted in the Support subfolder earlier this summer, regarding the nastiness from DH's dad and stepmom. After several more months of silence, I have an update.
We heard nothing from them following the move 5 hours south. Nothing in July (when FIL celebrates his birthday) and nothing in August (SMIL's birthday month). This month is DH's birthday (last week actually).
Prior to our move, SMIL has been involved in a civil lawsuit against the county animal control department, her former employer. Being that this state has very broad public records laws, we've been able to see the lawsuit and associated documents. DH actually has information about SMIL's actions prior to her getting fired last year that would prove very useful to the defense, and may get SMIL in trouble elsewhere. DH does not reach out to defense, out of respect for his Dad, and out of the knowledge that disclosing this information will do nothing but further poison FIL's mind against his son, along with the minds of other family members. Recently, SMIL's deposition transcripts became available. From the deposition, we've learned she's on anti-depressants and Adderall, seeing a therapist, and remains unemployed (she is only looking for jobs with state/local govt....in an area where word of her lawsuit has likely spread, making them unlikely to want to hire her). Reading over all the documents with the lawsuit, I'm of the personal/ semi-professional opinion that her claims are going to get dismissed, and she and FIL will be out the cost of her lawyer, plus any costs of counter suit claims.
This becomes important, because we think between the stress over the lawsuit, grieving over BIL, and SMIL's lack of employment, there may be some serious personal issues developing between FIL and SMIL. We learned (via facebook photos from DH's cousins) FIL spent Labor Day weekend less than an hour south of us, visiting his nephew and nephew's 2 kids ages 10 and 6. Further, from the photos, FIL is not wearing his wedding band, and SMIL is nowhere to be seen in ANY photographs from that weekend. DH did try to call his Dad when we knew FIL would be on the road home (as did I), but FIL never picked up.
Fast forward to Thursday last week. DH's birthday. Middle of the day, he gets a Happy Birthday text from his dad. Replies with a thank you, hopes FIL is doing well. No response.
Thursday late afternoon, DH gets a super long text from SMIL. Text wishes him a happy birthday, states she's sorry for any pain/anger/hurt she has caused DH and I, wants only the best for us, wants DH to have a good relationship with his Dad, etc, followed by more apologies. DH didn't want to read anything from her on his birthday, but read it the next day. Sent a brief response of "thank you for the birthday wishes" and something along the lines of "read the message. Thanks" SMIL responded quickly that she meant every word of what she said in the text.
DH is now feeling a bit conflicted. SMIL has apologized, but it's a broad generic one, and we're sure there's some additional motive behind it (I'm privately wondering if the therapist didn't come out and tell her "you were an asshole, you need to apologize"). On the other hand, DH has admitted he's over his anger and hurt, he just doesn't really care if FIL and SMIL are in our lives anymore. DH wants to respond, but feels it should not be by text....it should be a face to face or via letter. I'm supporting him whatever he wants to do either way.
So that's the general update of the silent battle. I'm finding it telling that FIL told DH in that hurtful message to go see a shrink, when it turns out his own wife is undergoing therapy...perhaps FIL's comments came across much harsher than intended. Still, I'm impressed that SMIL is showing some degree of maturity, regardless of her personal motivations lurking in the background. Will update as this plays out.
