|
Post by jenn314 on May 13, 2015 12:49:58 GMT -5
Oh, I don't think it's an old age to start. I just don't think we're "too young" to be having the conversation, as it's been suggested to me before (by H, other people who keep telling up we're too young to have children, etc).
|
|
|
Post by nsweare on May 13, 2015 13:18:53 GMT -5
Oh, I don't think it's an old age to start. I just don't think we're "too young" to be having the conversation, as it's been suggested to me before (by H, other people who keep telling up we're too young to have children, etc). Gotcha! And who the hell thinks 27 is too young for kids? I grew up in the south and most people have #2, if not are ready for #3 if that's how many they want. H is from a really small town and everyone gets married and has babies early there. H's sister considers herself an old maid because she's unmarried and childless at 28. His other sister is 24 and is married with baby #2 on the way. His brother's wife is 23 with #2 on the way. It's unimaginable to me because I was out partying it up at that age. But it's a totally different "culture" I guess. I was 31 with DD and I'm 34 now and still sometimes feel too young for kids. haha
|
|
|
Post by jenn314 on May 13, 2015 14:22:07 GMT -5
I don't know if it's a region thing or what. But I think two people from my high school graduating class have babies (that I know of). H and I are the only people in our circle of friends who are married (though a few are engaged). Our families keep telling us we're too young to have kids, and I give them a look every time. Because WTF? Maybe it's a New England thing?
|
|
|
Post by jenn314 on May 13, 2015 15:51:37 GMT -5
I have cyclic vomiting syndrome, so I always have stomach issues. The meds I take for it don't mix with alcohol, so I can't drink either. People have stopped asking, but I've gotten a few looks before. It's annoying.
|
|
|
Post by snippet17 on May 13, 2015 15:58:48 GMT -5
This is how it is where I grew up too. Many of my high school friends already have a kid or two, some even have kids in school already. I'm 34. Most of the people I went to high school with started having kids immediately after high school, or immediately after college. A lot of people I went to high school and college with have kids in elementary school (and some in middle and high school!) And in my family, I have 20 cousins. I'm one of the few who did not have a child and/or get married before 25. I went to school with a girl who is now a grandmother. She had her son when she was 16/17 and his girlfriend had the child when he was 16. Around Christmas DH's dad said we were too young for kids. I am 33 and DH is 31. They were around 27/28 when they had him.
|
|
|
Post by ven on May 13, 2015 16:00:45 GMT -5
I don't know if it's a region thing or what. But I think two people from my high school graduating class have babies (that I know of). H and I are the only people in our circle of friends who are married (though a few are engaged). Our families keep telling us we're too young to have kids, and I give them a look every time. Because WTF? Maybe it's a New England thing? I agree that it's more common to get married and start a family later in New England. I can't think of anyone in my circle who got married younger than 26 or had children before 30. My parents had me when they were in their mid-thirties and most of my friends' parents were about the same. IMO, though, if you're old (and mature) enough to get married, you're also old enough to decide if/when to have kids. I've been very lucky that neither of our families have put much pressure on us on the kids front. I don't know if they're actually polite or if I'm sufficiently outspoken about not wanting kids to keep them from asking too much. I'm an only child and it's hard to imagine BIL ever settling down, so we're kind of our parents' only hope for grandkids. I like to tell my parents if they wanted grandkids they shouldn't have literally put all their eggs in one basket...
|
|
|
Post by ven on May 13, 2015 17:03:18 GMT -5
I don't know if it's a region thing or what. But I think two people from my high school graduating class have babies (that I know of). H and I are the only people in our circle of friends who are married (though a few are engaged). Our families keep telling us we're too young to have kids, and I give them a look every time. Because WTF? Maybe it's a New England thing? I feel like it may happen to be a regional thing, but not JUST because we're from New England. Boston, the Metro Area, and the Woburn/Burlington/Worcester areas have a lot of corporate companies and there are a lot of colleges around here too. If you grew up in any of the suburbs, chances are you had or knew plenty of parents who worked corporate/technical/academically-driven jobs (engineering, computer science, bio-medical fields or even straight up academia). I feel like parents who work white collar jobs many times instill the importance of college education, and growing up in a region where education is FOUNDATIONAL to the culture (Harvard? UMass? BC? Anyone? Anyone?) it's stressed as important, so many high-school grads go right off to get their BA/BS. These parents probably had their own children a little older than other regions of the country because work >> babies when you're developing next gen robotics, writing your thesis, or working in a medical research lab. If your coworkers stayed in the area (and you live in the general vicinity that I kind of think you may), chances are they or their SO may work in corporate, and I feel like in corporate positions that require a BA/BS, people aren't really "~stable~" financially and otherwise until they're at LEAST 22, 23, 24 (around a year or two into the workforce). THEN comes the wedding a few months to a few years, if they've found their life partner, THEN come babies. Meanwhile, I'm getting baby fever, and I'm no where close to even thinking about being a bench warmer. :/ You make some fabulous points.
|
|
|
Post by jenn314 on May 14, 2015 8:29:55 GMT -5
Very very good points. I work in STEM and H is in the financial industry. We both have our Masters (and H is getting another one... *eyeroll*). I don't think it helps that my parents were 32 and 33 when I came along.
|
|
|
Post by annathy03 on May 19, 2015 15:24:14 GMT -5
Just found this thread today, and uh, I love you guys. We're planning to start TTC in January, which some days feels forever away- like when my sister posts cute pictures of my niece and I can see aspects of our family in her- and other days we're enjoying the freedom of not being parents which makes it feel way too close. Both our parents have asked and know our timeline which stresses me a bit, my mom out of a place where it took over 2 years to conceive me (though thankfully I don't know the where/when details!) and she worries about us struggling as well, and MIL because she wants grandbabies yesterday. Our friends getting pregnant didn't help because H mentioned it to his parents, which put the focus back on "well when are YOU two going to have kids" and he jokingly responded that we tend to do everything about 6 months after them (true for getting engaged and married, but if we'd started trying 6 months after them we'd be TTC next month and who knows how long we will be TTC for) and MIL got super fucking excited. Damnit. jenn314 who the hell thinks 27 is too young? I'm 29 and everyone is just the opposite, all "don't wait too long". People can suck.
|
|
Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
Likes:
|
Post by Deleted on Jun 6, 2015 18:44:32 GMT -5
|
|
|
Post by nsweare on Jun 6, 2015 22:47:05 GMT -5
Hugs susanm. Please don't be too hard on yourself. There's a huge genetic component to type 2 diabetes as well. Of course a good diet and exercise can and will make a huge difference, but this isn't your fault. I know it's hard but I hope you can cut yourself some slack. I hope things start to look up soon.
|
|
|
Post by snippet17 on Jun 7, 2015 8:28:44 GMT -5
|
|
|
Post by jenn314 on Jun 8, 2015 8:09:50 GMT -5
Why do people care how many children you have?
|
|
|
Post by annathy03 on Jun 8, 2015 14:26:11 GMT -5
susanm good luck today with the meter! Like you said, one step at a time, and like PPs said try not to blame yourself- you can't change the past. 3 is the magic number of kids on H's side. Although H wants a boy and has said he wants a 3rd if we have two girls, I said it's up to him to make sure that happens in the first two because I'm not pushing out more than that. I think MIL thinks we're getting old and that's part of why she pushes so hard, she always throws in things like "well you don't want to wait too long" in conversations. Yeah MIL, I know you had all three of your kids by the age I'll be when we start trying. Get over it.
|
|
|
Post by annathy03 on Jun 10, 2015 9:30:09 GMT -5
engr0308 Awesome about the Germany trip, and I agree you guys should go even if the family bit falls through . And that you're allowed to be relieved, having kids is scary! Pregnancy/body changes plus the costs of having a kid and the pressure to not fuck it up, as we get closer to our TTC timeline it's a bit overwhelming to think about.
|
|
|
Post by jenn314 on Jun 10, 2015 12:59:10 GMT -5
My in-laws want to take us on vacation next spring. As in less than a year. Because they want to go away with us prior to us having children. I'm just excited that they are taking us next year instead of pushing it back anymore! H and I are both agreed that we'll start TTC next fall. SO I just have to wait one more year!
|
|
|
Post by mrsELF6713 on Jun 10, 2015 18:35:03 GMT -5
Sooooo I think we're pushing back our ttc timeline again. We had originally, somewhat arbitrarily, said Fall 2016. Now FIL is talking about the whole family doing a big trip to Germany in either summer or early fall 2017. I told H I don't want to be pregnant or have a newborn (<6 months) at that point. So our options are either to start trying this coming fall/winter (or now), and cut it off at a certain point if I don't get pregnant, or wait until after that trip. He said he's not in a huge hurry, so it looks like we're waiting til Fall 2017. It kind of sucks, because it seems so far away. But at the same time I'm a tiny bit relieved. I am in the same boat. We really want to go to Germany and Ireland. Ideally we wanted to start TTC now, but pushed it back for a few months to get work obligations settled, but now we cannot stop thinking about traveling a bit more prior to kids. We know we could postpone traveling a few years (that is what grandparents are for, right!?) but at the same time the closer we are to our "timeline" we still do not feel like we "have to" right now. The thought of waiting a whole year just to start TTC is hard to think about though, so we are torn. So its either travel in the spring and wait until after to TTC or see what happens. I definitely would not want to go on a trip like that if I was pregnant or while BF. There are some things I would not want to postpone just because we are TTC, but big trips like would be worth planning around if possible. I am going to be 33 in Sept, so we are feeling the pressure of age, but at the same time know its not the end of the world if we wait another year or so. There are days I want babies like yesterday and there are days where I know I can wait.
|
|
|
Post by mrsELF6713 on Jun 25, 2015 14:01:22 GMT -5
hugs @eba1012. I know how frustrating that can be! Hopefully your H can find the motivation to improve his situation. My H gets the same way sometimes. We will have a bad day at work and H spirals into a funk. It can be hard to get him out of it sometimes (and stay positive around the negativity). I found it best to just let him do his thing. Having a day to do nothing or give him courage to put himself first, and he comes around and gets re-charged. For awhile I was feeling he was using it as an excuse, but talking about it better discovered that pushing it back is just as frustrating for him as well.
|
|
|
Post by jenn314 on Jul 2, 2015 8:52:33 GMT -5
My friend just had a baby and I can't wait to go visit because I need a baby fix! I'm starting to realize that for me, the envy is based on who the person is. Maybe that makes me a bad person, but I feel no envy for two people who tried for a while and have been married for a while, but I feel loads of envy when it comes to the couple who got married after us and were together for a much shorter amount of time. I'm getting tired of all the "reasons" we're waiting. Blah.
|
|
|
Post by annathy03 on Jul 2, 2015 9:47:11 GMT -5
Gah, another PDQ- ***POOF***
|
|