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Post by nsweare on Aug 27, 2015 18:51:57 GMT -5
(((hugs))) to all you ladies. I'm in a much different position than all of you, but I didn't really know where else to post this. I had my tubes tied during my C-section with P. H and I made the decision to be done after P because pregnancy is very hard on my body, and two kids just felt like it was right for our family. Now I'm feeling a bit of remorse. It's purely emotional, not at all logical or rational. I know it's not in our best interest to have another child, but now that the option is off the table I feel sad. Maybe it's knowing we can't ever change our minds? I'm sure as the kids get older and more independent the feelings will fade, but right now I'm mourning something I didn't think I wanted.
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Post by mrsELF6713 on Sept 1, 2015 16:02:26 GMT -5
So I met with our health insurance rep today to go over our renewal. We knew the plan we had the last four years was getting discontinued now with obama care but we strung it along as long as possible and now this year we have to make the change since it is completely abolished. I almost cried when I found out what it will now cost us to even have a child delivered I knew it was expensive but its even more than what we thought it was going to be. I seriously don't know why we work. Healthcare is not "free" and even though we pay $$$ for it, we still will shell out $$$ on top of our benefits. It is all so discouraging.
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Post by snippet17 on Sept 17, 2015 13:46:40 GMT -5
susanm yay! That is some great news.
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Post by snippet17 on Oct 8, 2015 12:42:48 GMT -5
((Hugs)) to you too. It's actually really helpful to know that I'm not the only crazy one. I'm just frustrated. I know H is too, so it's not like we aren't on the same page. I'm hoping he finds a new job soon, because that would really move things in the right direction. I've been a card carrying member of the crazy train for many years. The topic just changes Qft for me at least. I went from about 9 months of ttc crazy to now pregnancy crazy.
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Post by mrsELF6713 on Oct 9, 2015 15:46:18 GMT -5
eba1012 Other than wanting your H to find a new job (I totally get it), what's stopping you all from trying now? I know that you aren't on bc anymore, are you tracking just to get into a pattern of things? *hugs* My friend who is pregnant with twins' shower was on Sunday and it wasn't as bad for me as I was thinking. I hadn't seen her throughout the whole pregnancy, and it was great to see her and love on her little ladies. She's lives really close to me, so I hope I can help support her when they make their entrance (which should be soon...) Mostly that we want to make sure we can afford it with whatever his potential new salary is. He's considering taking a pay cut to get into the field he wants, and we can manage that, but it just depends on the size of the pay cut. I am temping and using FF just to get in the habit. I'm so emotionally ready, and it's just hard that not everything else is where we'd like it to be, KWIM? (I know there's no perfect time, but we could definitely be in a better position.)This is our thinking right now too. It could happen, and we would be fine/make it work but we are just scared and have too many "what if's." We keep pushing it back since we are never where we want to be when the time comes. Even when it does happen, I will still be scared shitless! I keep telling myself that at least we will have 9 months to really figure it out! On another note, my parents told me they would pay the bill for us to have the baby... that is not the point guys, but thank you? (and no we would not let them do that). eba1012 are you finding it harder to be off bc but not actively ttc? I am thinking that is how I would like to start the process but am still a little hesitant.
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Post by mrsELF6713 on Oct 9, 2015 15:57:45 GMT -5
This is our thinking right now too. It could happen, and we would be fine/make it work but we are just scared and have too many "what if's." We keep pushing it back since we are never where we want to be when the time comes. Even when it does happen, I will still be scared shitless! I keep telling myself that at least we will have 9 months to really figure it out! On another note, my parents told me they would pay the bill for us to have the baby... that is not the point guys, but thank you? (and no we would not let them do that). eba1012 are you finding it harder to be off bc but not actively ttc? I am thinking that is how I would like to start the process but am still a little hesitant. Yes and no. I mean, there are obviously the hormonal adjustments, both good (sex drive) and bad (for me, acne like whoa). And I'm glad that my body is kind of regulating itself before we start trying, so that I can actually tell my ovulation symptoms, etc. But waiting for my period every month is a total mind fuck. Even if I know that we were careful, I'm convinced that I'm KU. Plus, sometimes I just want to yell at H to put a freaking baby in me haha. It's really a toss-up. If you guys are thinking about trying soon-ish, I'd go off. Everyone is different, but my body took several months to regulate my cycle and start ovulating again. It's totally a personal choice. Just make sure you're taking other precautions if you do go off. ETA: To the first bold, that's super generous, but yeah, that money would definitely come with strings. yeah it would, that is why it was a very quick no thank you! and yes, I am worried that if I do go off bc early I will be sad every month even if we are not tcc for reals. Right now I am fine not being ready (for the most part), but I think things would quickly change for me.
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Post by gingerlady on Oct 13, 2015 7:36:16 GMT -5
I just gave up and gave in to the baby fever. Our timing is terrible. My H works in a different state and is gone most of the week. My job is up in the air. We have many big bills to pay. Our current apartment isn't big enough for a baby. We're newlyweds and still enjoying that bliss of alone time together. We have tons of (non-baby-friendly) trips planned in our minds. I haven't really read the details of my benefits package with regard to short term disability or maternity leave.
BUT, I'm 38 and I knew the time was now or never. So we went for it. Now I'm 6wks pregnant and just waiting for the panic to ensue... but, as was pointed out, we have 9 months (well, 8 now) to figure it out. I also remember that my parents had kids when they were young and poor, and my father also worked out-of-state. They moved at least 4 times in the first 2 years of my life. They managed it and my sister and I are normal, intelligent, and well-adjusted individuals (I think!).
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Post by snippet17 on Oct 13, 2015 13:13:34 GMT -5
eba1012 - sorry about YH being a pain in the ass.
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Post by mrsELF6713 on Oct 14, 2015 12:31:22 GMT -5
((( eba1012))) Hopefully he was see the bigger picture. How long do you have to be in your full time job before your benefits would kick in? I will not get maternity leave, so we started secondary benefits through Aflac last year. It will help the hospital side of things, and short-term disability when I do have a baby, so something is better than nothing. When SIL got pregnant last year she had just resigned from her full time job and moved, but somehow was still eligible to receive benefits from her old employer. Not sure how it all works, or if it varies state to state.
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Post by mrsELF6713 on Oct 14, 2015 13:10:34 GMT -5
((( eba1012))) Hopefully he was see the bigger picture. How long do you have to be in your full time job before your benefits would kick in? I will not get maternity leave, so we started secondary benefits through Aflac last year. It will help the hospital side of things, and short-term disability when I do have a baby, so something is better than nothing. When SIL got pregnant last year she had just resigned from her full time job and moved, but somehow was still eligible to receive benefits from her old employer. Not sure how it all works, or if it varies state to state. I would have to be with a company for 12 months before I'd qualify for FMLA. Everything else is company-specific. I think even individual STD policies are different. I've thought about getting AFLAC, but it's pretty pricey. It sounds like maybe your SIL did COBRA? Or her old company was just nice enough to let her continue her insurance after leaving. it was not Cobra, for she moved to her husbands health insurance, so I worded that weird...She was not getting healthcare benefits from her old employer but was still able to get maternity leave based off the time spent with her old employer or something like that. Now I am curious how it all worked out. To Be Continued when I find out.
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Post by Deleted on Oct 21, 2015 14:08:29 GMT -5
H is the activities coordinator at retirement/assisted living community. One of today's activities was a trip to Hobby Lobby. He texted me and said he just saw a woman wearing one of those baby harnesses with a snoozing baby inside. He said he would like "a harness equipped with a baby." I'm taking this as a win and a step in the TTC direction
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Post by gingerlady on Nov 9, 2015 14:05:25 GMT -5
So last night (during sex, of course) H said, "Well, if it happens, it happens. We're not getting any younger." I'm several DPO, so it's not like there's a chance, but I'm glad his attitude is changing a bit. My husband went from this attitude to full-on "let's make a baby!" EOD BDing in just a month or two. Let's hope yours does the same! Of course it sorta helped that he hates condoms and I refused to do any other form of BC... I'm a sneaky little bitch
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Post by mrsELF6713 on Nov 16, 2015 13:25:48 GMT -5
that is awesome eba1012! H has been coming around and we had a good conversation about it last weekend so I really hope I can keep the positive talk moving forward. He was around my best friend and her three boys on Saturday and was being really good playing with them and I did not get any "thank goodness we don't have kids" comments from him after the fact. Baby Steps
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Post by gingerlady on Nov 16, 2015 14:04:08 GMT -5
I sat H down and had a conversation about what the hell we're doing. He said that right now, he's comfortable with NTNP. It's a step in the right direction, so I'm pretty happy with that for now. Hopefully I'll be moving to the TTC (or Expecting) board soon! Your H is doing EXACTLY what mine did. We NTNP'd for 2 months, then before you knew it he was totally down with me temping and asking for sex on demand. Good luck to you!
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Post by snippet17 on Nov 16, 2015 14:51:32 GMT -5
H has never been around infants...bless his heart. I don't think my H had ever been around a newborn until we visited my cousin's 3-day-old baby. The image of him holding that tiny little peanut made my heart burst. He tried to project confidence, but he looked downright terrified haha. I was around a newborn once and that was 13 years ago. I am so sacred I will break the baby. Hence why we are taking a lot of classes.
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Post by snippet17 on Nov 16, 2015 16:59:50 GMT -5
I don't think my H had ever been around a newborn until we visited my cousin's 3-day-old baby. The image of him holding that tiny little peanut made my heart burst. He tried to project confidence, but he looked downright terrified haha. So cute! H has outright admitted that he's terrified of holding a baby lol I was around a newborn once and that was 13 years ago. I am so sacred I will break the baby. Hence why we are taking a lot of classes. Have you taken any classes so far? I feel like I would want to take any/all classes when I get KU. First one is on Saturday. It is 3 hours and its a newborn basics. Its hands on care with dolls. It covers breathing, swaddling, diapering, taking baby's temp, and signs of illness. Next one is an 8 hour class on dec. 12. This one covers labor and birth and postpartum. Plus its, also, a lamaze class. My last class is just the free one hour maternity unit tour. They have classes to take to prepare the dogs/cats for the baby, too. Which seems interesting but we don't have any pets.
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Post by mrsELF6713 on Nov 16, 2015 17:26:09 GMT -5
my H is terrified of babies. I do not even think he held our nephew. He is great with toddlers. We were at dinner saturday with my friend, her H and 3 kids. 2 of the boys had to go to the bathroom and 1 already left so both my friend and her H left the table so we were left with the youngest (18 months) and H and I were both pretty terrified. It was the longest 5 minutes of my life. Thank goodness he is a happy baby who did not cry when mommy and daddy left.
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Post by snippet17 on Nov 22, 2015 11:13:17 GMT -5
dirrtybutter - I typically only have 10 a year, but I haven't been on birth control in over 7 years. My cycles tend to be around 34-37 days or so. My doctors never had any issues with it.
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Post by annathy03 on Dec 6, 2015 1:38:48 GMT -5
I'm dying a bit; H is SOOOOOOOOOOO on board which is great, except that ***new job reasons*** Meanwhile, H is talking about having a baby regularly. AF comes to town "you know you wouldn't have to deal with that if you were pregnant", talking about our original timeline (had my previous employer not gone bankrupt and I stayed there), etc. Like on one hand I LOVE that he's so ready, but also STOP TRYING TO CONVINCE ME to TTC now, April is NOT that far away! **PDQ the job stuff, which may poof into something specific like "job stuff" later*** ((( dirrtybutter ))) I sincerely hope something comes to pass that you can start TTC soon.
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Post by mrsELF6713 on Dec 7, 2015 18:24:08 GMT -5
so between H having a birthday last week and his little medical scare, he has changed his tune dramatically and is coming round faster than I thought. He was on some good meds when he first said he was on board so I tried not to get too excited, but he made a comment this morning about it too. So I think we need a good talk about it this week. Maybe the first of the year will happen for us to start TTC afterall. I think Santa received my wish.
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